A Shift in Perspective: Finding Peace When You Can’t Change the Outcome

I’ve always been drawn to the idea that a simple shift in perception can create space for healing — especially when you’re faced with something you can’t change. But let’s be real: when I was deep in my fertility journey, struggling through loss, failed treatments, and all the emotional chaos that came with it, I wasn’t exactly in the mindset to reframe anything. I was exhausted, heartbroken, and more often than not… stuck.

I remember how incredibly difficult it was to accept just how little control I actually had in the process of trying to have a child. And believe me — I tried everything. I followed all the advice, saw all the specialists, changed my diet, took the supplements, practiced the rituals, and held on to hope with everything I had. But in the end, it didn’t lead to the family I had dreamed of. That helplessness — that hollow, aching hopelessness — sat with me for a long time.

I carried so much grief. And underneath that grief? A huge amount of guilt. Guilt for not being able to make it work. Guilt for not giving my husband the chance to become the amazing father I knew he would be. Guilt for somehow believing it was my failure.

But over time — slowly, and in small moments — I started to notice something.

Even when I couldn’t change my circumstances, I could notice when I was getting emotionally stuck.

And instead of trying to fix it all at once, I began to gently shift the way I looked at things.

I started asking myself:

• What if I let this emotion come without judging it?

• What if this moment is a pause, not a setback?

• What if I stopped measuring my worth by what didn’t happen?

And slowly… that shift created space.

Shifting Perspective Doesn’t Mean Dismissing Your Pain

Let me be clear — changing how we see something doesn’t mean pretending it’s okay or skipping over the hard parts. This isn’t about toxic positivity or brushing grief under the rug.

It’s about giving yourself permission to feel the pain without getting trapped in it.

It’s about saying, “This hurts… and I can still care for myself inside that pain.”

It’s about making space to acknowledge your reality without letting it define all of you.

There are still days when old feelings creep in — when I see my partner with our nieces or when milestone moments pass without the children we hoped for. But now, I notice those feelings sooner. I pause. I breathe. And more often than not, I’m able to gently shift my focus toward the things I can hold onto: peace, connection, freedom, joy.

Small Shifts Can Make a Big Difference

If you’re in the thick of this right now — feeling stuck, defeated, or unsure how to move forward — I want to gently challenge you to try something small:

• Write down one thing you can control today.

• Find one phrase that feels grounding (like “I’m doing the best I can” or “This feeling will pass”).

• Choose one moment to simply sit with your emotion, without rushing to fix it.

These may seem like tiny shifts. But I promise, they matter. In fact, they can be the beginning of a completely new way of relating to your story.

We don’t have to change the entire picture overnight. But we can begin to change the way we see it — and from there, life starts to feel a little lighter, a little more spacious, and a whole lot more possible.

💗 You are not alone — and you’re doing so much better than you think.

— Lisa

Family Redefined with Lisa