Honoring Grief and Finding Peace in the Childless Not by Choice Journey

I would be lying if I said I don’t have moments of grief for the child we miscarried or that I don’t feel sadness over the fact that we weren’t blessed with children. These emotions don’t just disappear. No matter how much healing has taken place, they linger, sometimes quietly in the background and other times pressing heavily on my heart. And I’ve learned that instead of pushing these feelings away, it’s far more powerful to embrace them.

For a long time, I tried to ignore my grief. I told myself that if I could just stay busy, focus on the positives, and keep moving forward, then eventually, the sadness would fade. But that’s not how grief works. It doesn’t demand attention in dramatic ways—it sneaks up in the small moments, like seeing a pregnancy announcement or hearing a child call out “Mom” in a store. It reminds us of what we hoped for and what we lost. It also reminds us of what will never be. And that hurts.

What I’ve come to understand is that grief is not something to be fixed—it’s something to be felt. It’s a process, not a problem. And when I give myself permission to sit with those feelings, I find a sense of peace. There is healing in allowing space for sadness. There is strength in honoring the weight of what was lost. And there is comfort in knowing that I don’t have to rush through this journey or pretend I’m “over it.”

Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or no longer feeling pain. It means learning to carry grief in a way that doesn’t consume you. It means acknowledging that moments of sadness are normal, but they don’t have to define your entire life. It means giving yourself grace on the hard days and embracing the joy on the good ones.

This is why it’s so important to be patient—not just with ourselves, but with others in the childless not by choice community. Everyone processes loss differently, and there is no timeline for healing. Whether you’re just beginning to acknowledge your grief or have been sitting with it for years, your journey is valid. Your emotions are valid. And your healing, in whatever form it takes, is worthy of respect.

So if you find yourself in a moment of sadness, don’t fight it. Don’t tell yourself you should be over it by now. Instead, honor that feeling. Let it come, let it be, and let it pass. Because in giving ourselves permission to grieve, we also give ourselves permission to heal. And in that healing, we find a life that, while different than we once imagined, can still be deeply fulfilling and full of love.