When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned: What Infertility and Childlessness Have Taught Me

It’s no secret that life can be…

• unpredictable

• exciting

• disappointing

• thrilling

• scary

• adventurous

• and so much more!

If you're anything like me, you grew up with a picture in your mind of how things would go. Maybe you saw yourself becoming a mom, planning birthday parties, taking your little ones camping, building a life full of bedtime stories, back-to-school photos, and chaotic dinner tables. I know I did. I held that vision close for a long time. Through every doctor's appointment, every fertility treatment, and every wave of hope and heartbreak—I kept picturing it.

But here’s the truth: life has a way of surprising us.

The Life I Pictured vs. the Life I’m Living

Infertility and childlessness taught me that it’s okay if the life we pictured when we were younger doesn’t pan out the way we thought it would. It’s okay if it looks different. And yes, it’s more than okay to feel disappointed about that. In fact, it's necessary.

For a long time, I wrestled with those feelings. I felt grief, anger, and a deep sense of unfairness. I carried guilt I didn’t deserve, sadness that wouldn’t let go, and a longing that never really goes away. There came a point when I realized I needed to do something I never thought I would have to: I had to forgive life.

I had to forgive the path I didn’t get to take.

I had to mourn the dreams that weren’t going to come true.

I had to accept that my story was going to look different.

Letting Go to Let In Something New

And once I did that, something shifted.

When I let go of what wasn’t going to be, I made space for what could still be.

I started redefining what joy meant to me. I began looking for the moments that filled me up — the walks with my dogs, the spontaneous trips, the meaningful connections with other childless women, and the laughter shared with friends and family. I started dreaming new dreams, ones that didn’t replace the old ones, but coexisted beside them.

Dreams that included peace. Travel. Deep friendships. Creativity. Growth. Self-love.

There’s still grief, of course. It comes in waves. But I’ve learned to let it sit beside me instead of letting it pull me under. And through it all, I’ve come to this powerful truth:

You can hold disappointment and hope at the same time. You can grieve what was lost and still be excited for what’s ahead.

What Life Still Holds

The beauty in this journey is that it’s still unfolding. I may not know what life has in store, but I know I’m open to it. I’m not done dreaming. I’m not done growing. And neither are you.

If you’re sitting with the heartache of a life that looks different than you imagined — I see you. And I want you to know: there’s still so much waiting for you. It may not look like what you hoped for, but it can still be beautiful, meaningful, and full of purpose.

I’m looking forward to what life might still have in store for me. 🥰😁

And I hope you are too.