Why "Just Try IVF" (or Adoption) Isn’t the Support We Need
- Lisa Hohenadel
- Mar 23
- 2 min read
Infertility is one of the most deeply personal and emotionally charged experiences a person can go through. And yet, when we opened up about our struggles, we were met with a flood of well-meaning but ultimately hurtful suggestions:
"Just try IVF.""Just adopt.""Just keep trying—it’ll happen!"
These comments, though often spoken with good intentions, completely dismiss the reality of what we were going through. They simplify something that is anything but simple. They overlook the financial, physical, and emotional toll of fertility treatments. And they fail to acknowledge that none of these options come with guarantees.
Infertility Treatment Isn’t a “Just”
When someone suggests, "just try IVF," they likely don’t realize that:
IVF is not a magic solution—success rates vary, and it often takes multiple cycles (each costing thousands of dollars) with no guarantee of a baby.
The process is grueling, involving injections, hormones, procedures, and endless waiting—each step filled with anxiety and heartbreak.
The emotional and physical toll can be overwhelming, leaving many couples drained, discouraged, and deeply in debt.
Then there’s adoption, another suggestion thrown out as if it’s an easy fix.
Adoption is a deeply personal decision—it’s not just a backup plan for infertility.
The process can take years, involve financial, legal, and emotional hurdles, and is far more complex than people assume.
It’s not as simple as walking into an agency and walking out with a baby.
The Weight of Choosing to Stop
For those of us who have made the decision to stop trying to conceive, trust me—it was not a decision made lightly. It wasn’t because we didn’t want a child badly enough. It wasn’t because we “gave up.” It was because we had exhausted our options—financially, emotionally, and physically.
The grief that comes with this decision is immense. It means mourning the life we imagined, redefining our future, and finding a new sense of purpose. It takes time, healing, and an incredible amount of inner strength.
How You Can Offer Real Support
Instead of offering solutions, the best way to support someone struggling with infertility—or someone who has decided to stop—is simple:
Validate their feelings. Instead of saying, "Have you considered…?" try saying, "That must have been incredibly difficult. I’m here for you."
Respect their decision. Trust that they have already considered every option and are making the best choice for themselves.
Help them embrace a fulfilling life beyond motherhood. Encourage their healing journey and celebrate the new possibilities they are discovering.
Finding Peace and Moving Forward
If you’re in this place—standing at the crossroads, unsure of what life looks like beyond the dream of motherhood—I see you. I know how heavy this decision is. And I also know that a meaningful, joyful life is still possible.
And if you’re looking for someone who truly understands, I’d love to connect for a casual chat. No pressure, just support. 💙
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